Oh how I long for the day when I can pee without an audience! C'mon you know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you don't! If you have children you feel my pain. You, too, have lived through the Bathroom Invasion.
Just the other day this scenario played out in my house:
I went into the bathroom and had just plopped myself down on the throne when the door slowly pushed open and Mr. Almost Two poked his head around it and exclaimed brightly, "Hi!" Sigh. I said hi back and as I tried in vain to gently shut the door, it came flying back at me and Mr. I'm Four And A Half poked his head in and said, "Whatcha doin?" Ummmm. WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING??? I respond calmly something along the lines of, "Mommy has to go potty. Remember how we talked about privacy? Shut the door until I'm done please." Right about then was when the hubs walked up and started talking to me about supper. True story. You can't make this stuff up. Apparently the fact that I was on the toilet was insignificant.
Not too long ago I got up for work and jumped in the shower, intent on getting it done before my oldest woke up and the Bathroom Invasion began for the day. I almost made it, too. Then, just as I rinsed my hair, I heard the door open and a sweet little voice said, "Good morning Mommy!" I could hear him sliding up on the toilet seat, making himself comfortable. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Good morning buddy! Mommy's almost done. Why don't you go sit in the living room and read a book and I'll be right out?
Privacy Poacher: No I'll just wait until you're done.
Me: You can sit for a minute but I'd like some privacy while I dry off. When I get out, you can go in the living room.
PP: No, I'll just wait right here until you're allllllll done.
Me: Remember how we talked about privacy? I would like you to give me some privacy please.
PP: But Mommy, I won't laugh at you!
That last bit melted my heart. I still have no idea why he'd think I was worried he'd laugh at me, but the sweetness of his reassurance was touching.
I like to think that the Bathroom Invasion and my less than perfect body is teaching my boys a realistic idea of what women's bodies look like, and helping them to appreciate and respect people of all shapes and sizes. Either that or the Bathroom Invasion is going to make some shrink very, very rich.