Friday, January 30, 2015

Lesson #35: Use The Vacuum

If you have carpets, this is probably obvious to you. If you don’t have carpets and this is still obvious to you, congratulations: the mommy brain hasn’t completely taken over. The force is strong with you. For the rest of us (or maybe it’s just me, sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake), this lesson will save that wee little bit of sanity that’s threatening to fly away at the discovery of the next crushed goldfish cracker or stray Cheerio.

We've had hardwood floors for many years and only kept a vacuum around because the enclosed porch at our old house had carpet and every once in a blue moon we figured it would be a good idea to vacuum it. We also have a dog that sheds more than should ever be possible for an animal. I’m not exaggerating when I say that you could fashion a life sized Dachshund out of all the hair he sheds on a daily basis. Brushing him frequently only leads to even more shedding which makes no sense to me. Anyway, dog hair has been the bane of my existence for the last 13 years and 11 months. That's a long, long time. This dog is almost 15 (what dog even lives that long??!!) and became “our” dog when he was a year old and I met my husband. I cannot stand dog hair and his excessive shedding leaves me battling tumbleweeds on a daily basis. 

My typical floor cleaning routine is to use the Swiffer Sweeper Vac to pick up ONLY the dog hair since the stupid thing will not suck up ANYTHING else, not even a crumb or a piece of dirt. Once I've run from room to room with it, only getting about 50% of said dog hair since it starts dying approximately 2.5 seconds after I turn it on even though it’s been charging for three days, I must then break out the broom and go through the whole house again getting all the crumbs, dirt, cereal, pretzels, popcorn kernels, crackers and other random crap that my kids drop all over the place.

Then one day as I was walking out of the laundry room I spied the ole Hoover sitting over in the corner all “Hey Girl. How YOU doin?”
“Oh Hoover,” I thought, “What kind of game are you running?” 
I stepped closer to examine it and that’s when I spied it. There it was, plain as day: a setting marked Bare Floors. Jesus, Mary and Joseph I've found it! The Holy Grail of floor cleaning! 

This is the exact text that I sent my husband that day:
I've had a breakthrough. Usually I hate doing floors because I have to Swiffer to get the dog hair and it always loses power before I am done. THEN I have to go through AGAIN with the broom and get all the crumbs and crap the Swiffer doesn’t get. Well… We have this magical little machine that can do both AT THE SAME TIME! It’s called a vacuum and it’s my friend.”

Yes friends, that day will go down in history. It will forever be known as The Awakening. OK maybe not, but it seriously makes me happy that I can go through my house ONE TIME and when I’m done the floors are actually clean. Not sorta clean, not almost clean but actually bare. No lingering dog hairs or dust. Nada. There is something really satisfying about sucking all the dog hair out of that little space between the fridge and the counter.

Oh, and I also have a little “helper” in my house. He’s about 3 feet tall and his helping usually runs more towards the Lucy in the candy factory variety than the actually helpful variety. But this neat little jobbie is just perfect for a little helper! It takes about 90 years for him to vacuum a one foot by one foot area, so mama gets a break AND doesn't have to clean! Score!  

It really is the little things in life. Don’tcha think?