Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lesson #28: Dogs Will Eat Anything

Whoever said dogs have cleaner mouths than humans has clearly never met my dog, Lex. Not only does he have one nasty case of doggie breath, but he's also been known to eat some pretty revolting stuff in his 12 years here on earth. Like the time my son threw up ham and pineapple alllllllll over the place and as hubs cleaned it up, Lex was right there beside him doing some "cleaning" of his own. *Gag* Little did I know, there was something much, much more horrid yet to come.

You'd think I would have learned by now that one must always diaper the toddler, but apparently I'm a little slow on the uptake. My just-turned-two year old is known for peeing wherever he's standing if he's left hangin' in the breeze. Well, almost anywhere. If he's anywhere near the potty, forget it. But that's another whole story. Anyway, I should have known not to leave him undressed, but I had just gotten him out of the tub, realized I hadn't put out any pj's, and figured he'd be ok for the 2.5 seconds it took to pull some pj's from the pile of clean laundry that seems to multiply exponentially every other second in my house. Why I would think such a thing is beyond me. I really should have known better. I turned to grab the jammies and when I turned back around I noticed something wet on the floor. I looked at the little dude and started to ask if he had just peed when I spied it-a nice mound of juicy brown poo. I looked from the poo pile to the puddle to the little dude. "Poop!" was all he said. "Did you just..." I trailed off as I saw the poo smeared on his backside and leg. Yep, he did.

I took him to get cleaned up and put the jammies on, then grabbed some paper towels and Lysol wipes and  returned to the scene of the crime. I had been gone for all of 5 minutes, tops. I thought for a moment that motherhood must have finally gotten the best of me and I had totally lost my mind because the offending poo was nowhere to be found. I knew I must not be crazy since the puddle of pee was still there. I stood there for a moment completely dumbfounded, looking around the room. That's when my eyes settled upon my dog, laying on his dog bed about a foot away from ground zero licking his lips.

Maybe it was some kind of weird alpha dog move to even the score after the Milk Bone incident (see Lesson #26). All I know is, I'm with Lucy...